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Some Help to Make You Guys Taste Better
It’s no secret that bodily secretions are not supposed to taste like candy.  Surely we should not be consuming anyone else’s that it becomes a major part of our diet - I know.


Nonetheless, that doesn’t mean its taste is irrelevant.  Wouldn’t it be nice if semen could taste less….gross?     Upgrading isn’t tough, as diet and exercise DO affect the taste of semen - semen is the product of nutrients consumed.  I, therefore, have gone to the trouble of compiling some diet instructions on how to manipulate this fact in an effort towards achieving the greater good.

1.  Do not consume alcohol, recreational drugs, nicotine, or caffeine.  All of these contain pollutants that give semen a bitter, toxic taste. I know, right - without any of these things, how you gonna get yourself in the semen-eating situation?

2.  Drink 1-2 liters of water a day.  This helps to flush out any bad-tasting toxins that might be lingering in your system (slash, semen).  This is actually a good habit to get into, anyway.

3.  Eat pineapples.  Pineapples and pineapple juice seem to directly sweeten semen.  Maybe if you inform your girl of this while chugging some PJ, you’ll be in luck.  No guarantees.

4.  Eat melons.  These, like pineapple, seem to directly sweeten semen.  (All fruit is a pretty good bet - papaya, cranberry, apples, grapes, and mangoes have all been shown to bring similar results).

5.  Avoid too much red meat or dairy products.  The proteins contained in these foods tend to make semen really salty.  If your girl says she loves salty foods, do not misinterpret the statement and go wild.  “Salty foods” by no means = “salty semen” until you see “semen” on your friendly local restaurant menu.

6.  Eat celery.  Celery seems to have to ability, due to its high chlorophyll content, to reduce the bitterness of semen (wheatgrass and parsley work, too).  If you’re one of those people who reacts to this suggestion with “Ew, no. Celery tastes so bad,” please eat your semen instead.  Akay?

7.  Avoid garlic and onions.  Their taste carries into the semen itself.  That’s sick and requires no elaboration.

8.  Eat cinnamon.  Cinnamon has shown itself to be able to mask other odd semen tastes.  Don’t ask me what these “odd semen tastes” are, that’s a mystery I ain’t ever gonna research to solve.  Peppermint, cardamon, and lemon have been shown to do likewise.

9.  Avoid foods with a high sulfur content.  This includes anything in the cabbage family, broccoli, asparagus, cauliflower, some meats, legumes, nuts and seeds, etc.  Have you ever smelled sulfur?  Case closed.

10.  Avoid junk food.  The chemicals and preservatives they contain are pollutants that may taste good in the food, but sure as hell don’t in your semen.  Think about this and this alone before suggesting a date to Mickey D’s.


These tips do not have to be followed to a “T,” and they do not have to be followed all the time.  They’re just tips, after all.  But I recommend following them.  Good-tasting sperm tends to be healthier sperm.